I should have written long ago...indeed I have been planning to write for the past one month.But there was one thing which always stood in the way.The fact that I am terribly lazy.But not today!The giant has woken from his slumber to bore you people again.
I wanted to respond to Sinjini's tag long long ago but couldn't....
I am not much of a bibliophile but here goes...

Total number of books I own:

I am not really sure since they lie all around me and I never tidy them up but there must be more than twenty of them,I think.

Last book I bought:
Collected Short Stories of Chekhov

I am currently reading:
The Picture Of Dorian Gray(It was a Titash inspiration and I want to read it forever)
Note To Self:Should really get started on some of those course books.

3 books I started reading but never completed:
I am really ashamed for this...
Dostoevsky's Crime And Punishment
Virginia Woolf's To the Lighthouse
And lastly,a huge chemistry book that my mum had bought for me with the misplaced hope that I would be interested.


One book which I gave to somebody else, but never got back:
I don't generally give away books to such hopeless people so that has never happened.Or maybe it has and I have forgotten everything about it.

Total number of E-books I own:
I am afraid,none.I do read on the net occasionally but I do not like the experience.My eyes water and my neck hurts.Moral:Reading on the net isn't good for elephants.


My most treasured books:

Mrs. Dalloway...Virginia Woolf
The Harry Potter collection(They cost a fortune!)
Pride and Prejudice....Jane Austen
and every book in my home that I haven't read.


Who am I going to tag?
Quaint Murmur...I just hope she doesn't take as much time as me to respond!

PS-Titash...was that interesting?

The signal

stopping by a red signal,
i rolled down the windows of my mind,
and was startled to find,


a girl, on the threshold of adulthood,
on the pavement, by the road where my car stood-
all her clothes had gone astray,
and her hair was tinted with premature grey...
she stumbled on step by step,knocking over people in tow...
didn't look behind at the mess she had left-

her eyes were hollowand kind of mad....
meeting my eyes,she gave a short little bow-
stopped for a second,over a coin she did bend,
tossed it and as it came down,
encased it in her gown....

she leaned by a lamp-post,
seemed to steady her resolve,
took out a phone and perhaps called here mum...
the sun shone overheadbut clouds gathered over her....

and as the signal turned green,
and the cars revved up to add to the din-
she resolutely stepped onto the roadway,
before a speeding truck heading for the bay.

it seemed the day ended that moment,
and as over the dead girl they bent-
i couldn't but remember,

the last glimpse of a face sad,
with tears streaming but with a smile....
maybe all those grieved ,grieved in vain,
maybe the truck ended all her pain....

and i couldn't but wish,
that she might have a better day,
that she is set free-
as i started my car and drove away...

The Trip Back Home

As I sat on the speeding train,
I couldn't wait to reach home,
After 12 years I had finally realized,
I'd rather be here than Paris or Rome...

The photos lay in front of me,
As we raced through the lush green countryside,
The memories caught in those snaps seemed a touch away....
And I couldn't help breaking into smiles wide!

I had broken away from my nest to fly,
To take my place amidst the clouds in the bright blue sky,
Though success lay in my palm,inside I had died,
Missed those streets and those days gone by.

I craned my neck and caught the faint outline of the station,
I just couldn't wait,cuz my best friend is coming too...
Its been 4 years since we've even talked on the phone,
Life made us go separate ways,both me and you!

As I stepped onto the familiar ground and breathed in,
the air still seemed to smell of times gone by...
I spent all my mornings wandering in the bylanes again,
exploring the place where you could get the best apple pie!

It was at a cafe that I saw him.
Suited,smart,suave...shook hands with me,
We sat down and started talking about the wather,
Both a little awkward as we pretended to chat over tea.

Went down to the old school after a mighty long time,
Played in the sands,climbed the old hill overlooking the town...
But somewhere inside the man beside me,my pal was lost,
And I couldn't find him even as the sun went down.

Time it was for us then to part ways once again,
Awkward goodbyes and mute heartburn,
But as we looked into the other's eyes as the trains steamed away,
Spoke more than any words could have done.

And as I raced back to the bleak canvas of my life,
I realized I missed my pal now that he was gone,
He had changed a lot,but so had I,
That was why,the homecoming had felt so wrong...

The town hadn't changed,the change was in me,
In my haste to grow up,I didn't realize this happened when,
And now,so old and different..I didn't miss him,I missed those happy days,
I missed the wonderful people we were back then.

We the people.

There seems to be a small step between the realm of the civilized and the uncivilized.Between the educated and the uneducated.The restrained and the savage.
It takes a moment of inflationary politics to tear off the mask of civility off our society.Perhaps a word,a poem or a speech...dug out from the graves of time for the express purpose of bringing the "CRUSADER" all the limelight..his/her 7 days of fame.

And it just takes one contentious issue for the "enlightened" society to remain mum while civil liberties are violated rampantly.It takes just the mention of one of the religious minorities to bestow justification to any act,howsoever unconstitutional or illogical.

After all,it is "wrong" of us to question anything that is perpetrated in the name of a certain "minority" even when the people of that community are too busy to care.

After all,"HURTING" the sentiments of people who have none is a greater crime in this land than murder;even when the people aren't hurt and the ones clamouring don't know what they're raging about!

And,contrary to what people say,this isn't limited to a certain community.This malice extends to all communities.Every one of us is supremely intolerant ofany criticism.AND terrorising the dissent into submission seems such a better option compared to rational discussions!As they say "It is all in god's name"

And that seems to be the problem.The fact that "bhagwaan" orders a bunch of saffron clad goons to murder missionaries.And tells them to ban any book that speaks ill,not of god,but of our own ways of exploiting god!The fact that "allah " orders hoodlums to drive an eminent author out of her sanctuary.Orders them to harrass her for her life.Terrorise her.The fact that the conscience of the government compels it to drive the author to the verge of tears as she struggles to save her life.To toss her like a shuttlecock in the pious winds of polity.

And the worse part?The fact that we,the people at large,the educated,the vanguard of the future,the "Rang De Basanti charged idealists keep mum,even though we know that we don't care what the author had written;even though both hindus and muslims condemn the action in their drawing rooms.
All this in the land of Buddha!In the name of The Mahatma's secularism.

When we lost.

its strange how little it takes for us to degenerate from human beings,rational and humane,into complete beasts.No,I am wrong.It is a blatant insult to animals.They don't go about killing others of their species when left perfectly at peace.They don't indulge in murders.

They are much,much better.

However,we never seem to learn our lesson.Earlier today,calcutta was thrown into complete chaos and disarray when a bunch of hooligans,belonging to a minority community,sought to make their voice heard over a myriad range of issues,including the atrocities in Nondigram and the expulsion of Tasleema Nasreen.The protests started off with a irksome yet essentially peaceful road blockade.However,the protesters soon decided that peace doesn't encourage either theatrics or TV coverage.
In the space of a half-hour,the thing had escalated into a full-scale mob unrest.Cars and buses were burnt,so were police vans and taxis.The agitators(read goons)cordoned off several tarffic arteries,thus ensuring themselves of a plentiful supply of vehicles to burn and destroy and enough people(innocent commuters,of course) to spread the panic.
The heart of Calcutta was turned into a warzone with terrified people running for their lives;while the agitators(not goons anymore,now hardened criminals)splashed the streets with blood and glass and burnt tyres.Entire sections of the city were cordoned off by the police,which,of course,ws the only way to handle these people(minority,of course)
For the first time in 15 years,army had to be deployed in Calcutta and a curfew was declared for the night.Gunfire and street fighting continued way into the evening.
As I walked back from college this afternoon,goaded by a friend,I was startled to see how a city can change in a matter of a few hours.The college had been sealed and the principal had issued warnings advising us not to venture out.school students stood stuck in their schools way into the night.Greatest democracy in the world,huh?
The formal leader of the protestors promptly washed hands off the affair and said that his men were peaceful and it was a conspiracy to deface his party.The state leaders asked Tasleema Nasreen to leave.And as I type this out,army is patrolling parts of the city.We aren't capable of controlling ourselves any more.We need the army.Better than animals?
But maybe this too shall fade from the public memory until the next tragedy happens.But this afternoon,As I walked on those mob-ravaged streets,it seemed different.I wasn't in the same genteel sity anymore.Everything had changed,everything had become more violent and less tolerant.The streets wore a deserted,destroyed look,as if incredulous at the antics of man!Ambulances were attacked and so were school buses.This didn't seem India.For a moment there,it felt like somalia or sudan.Yes,there wasn't an official war.But there was a war all the same....and Humanity lost.

My brother

i was walking back from work late in the evening,
and i was reading a book on family that day,
as i sat down on a park bench,
i was enjoying the book in my own way...

i read how important family was,
and how a trip back home at the end of the day,
could set your whole life right,
even if you had lost your way...

it said they are the people who love you your entire life,
be it happiness,sorrow or strife,
and their memories were enough to lighten up a dreary day,
and their smiles enough to usher joy onto a lonely way.

and i started believing that family is a rock,
that would protect me against any storm...
and i had almost decided to love them more,
even if it was quite different from my norm.

and as i finished my book,
i wanted to go back to my family with me around,
but as i rose to go,
i found my feet cemented to the ground.

for there stood my brother,right in front.
and i hesitated to go upto him and talk,
so many years apart now,it seems strangely awkward,
i can't believe he once used to be my rock.

i uneasily hold out my hand for a shake,
quite the modern man,am i really awake?
vague memories of playing together on the rug,
makes we wanna give him a warm hug.

after school,we had drifted apart...
i had new friends,about him i didn't care,
a big success now,i didn't want him anymore,
knowing such an embarrasment was a risk i couldn't dare.

he tried to smile,to hide the pain,
reminded me of the days we played in the pouring rain,
he said hello,i did too,
life hath made strangers out of me and you!!

families are supposed to look after each-other,
but as i stood on the soggy ground facing my brother,
the boss's call on my phone, all those memories faded
i wished we had never met,both a little jaded.

he just didn't fit into my life,career anymore,
i had a new family,money now..to be fair!
i gave him a quick nod and walked quickly away
while my own brother still stood numb there.

family affairs

its strange how people can change sometimes.i was sifting through all my old magazines today and as usual,instead of throwing them away,i started reading them all over again.
there was a debate raging for quite some time then over whether the RD should indianize itself more or should remain a predominantly foreign magazine.the editors had made it pretty clear that though RD India would rely heavily on foreign materials,the context and the choice of articles published would be done,keeping in mind the indian diaspora...
And it was becuase of this that the article which was on the adjoining page startled me more...
an article about "how to handle your family and your relatives when you spend a holiday together as a family."
it was not so much the article,but the suggestions encorporated within it,that made me squirm...the author spoke about embarrasing times in front of the whole family,about green eyed monsters who always tried to put you down and your own mum,when she became too judgemental or emotional.the author put each sitaution down as a potential disaster and provided remedies or plausible solutions for each of them.

And i marvelled.i marvelled because we have grown so modern and "shining" that we now require magazine articles to deal with family.we now require a specialist to tell us not to get disheartened with our mothers or not to give up on our fathers.we now have therapists to tell that our family loves us at the end of the day and that it will always be our pillar of support....we just don't know that anymore!!

the article started with the question-"do you ever dread your family holidays because of that embarrasing uncle sam or that spiteful aunt mabel.......?"
the honest answer,sans the indian culture nonsense,would be yes...
but does that mean we now require magazine articles to decipher that our mothers love us no matter what..or that we can always turn to our family for support...?

the article was engrossing and very well written...i guess that was part of its charm.however,the final solution proposed by the author to all the realtionship blues was a striking one....
"remember that this holiday is only for a few days and you are going to return to your own normal life soon...."
that made family outings sound like common cold...didn't it?i mean,you can't get rid of it and its going to go away in a few days!!

maybe that is what families have become to us...detached old appendages.things that we wish to shed in our conquest of modernity.and what was great(!) was the fact that apparantly,the editors had thought the article suited indian contexts.maybe indians do need to start behaving with their families.maybe they need family therapy to teach them how to spend a holiday!
and all this in a country where we cry ourselves hoarse over traditional indian family values!

maybe i fight a lot with my mum...and i hate some of my relatives...but you know what?i would rather choose a messy but genuinely warm holiday with my family instead of a superby performed stage show!

an afternoon long ago

its a strange thing,the rain...
it makes you remember your pain,
as it gushes down in torrents,sad
at the years gone down the drain-


those yellow evenings long ago,
when under a heavy sky..
you watched the birds fly!
and under the setting sun,
played basketball with your friends...


those are all but memory now-
you have become a millionare and how
forced everyobne to exclaim "wow!"


deal in millions-play with diamonds...
but with a heavy heart inside
want to reverse the tide...
alone in a friendless world.


the mornings on the volleyball court-
soaked in the summer shower
with your friends in the sweet bower,
little memories gone down the drain.


as you sit beside the window,
and watch it rain,and oh!
even in your million dollar room too...
you feel those memories flooding within you.


the afternoons spent in aimless wander,
chatting with your pals....you ponder,
the anxiety,the excitement and the pain,
has it all been washed by the rain?


and thus sits the unhappy millionare,
surrounded by his sparking glassware,
thinking of those days,
when he had friends...it was a glorious phase!
of those days fallen by in vain...
of those days when he used to enjoy the rain!

my town

if you drive this way a little down,
you might pass through my little town-
let the gentle breeze guide your way,
while you drive through my town by the bay...

and while you walk by the cosy little homes,
on the pavement filled with dry autumn leaves,
you might think we are all happy,
contended in the life we've weaved.

every Sunday evening while you slowly drive by,
you might get fooled by the smiles of the children waving goodbye...
because we all try to show you that we smile,
while inside our hearts we do cry.

So,sing with me....
hep us,help us ,help us oh lord!please,
help us out of this pretty garden with its flowery breeze,
we wanna live in a place where we can cry and wheeze,
so help us out,we beg on our knees.

would you still love us if i say,
the happy mother walking cheerily today,
stares out of her perfect house into the dark night sky,
because,amidst all the smiles,her life seems a lie!

and that cute little baby playing in the dark,
is about to have his world town apart,
for his mum and dad are going their separate ways,
to decide who gets him,they have just ten days!

so pray for us,
help us, help us, help us...oh lord!
because this town is held together by such a frail chord,
and all we do is to pray,
that we have the courage to hold on for the rest of our days....

and so now,while you leave our town,
a little sad,munching our famous chocolate brown,
don't please get fooled by those cheery smiles wide,
for ours is a town that weeps inside.

when i see you,
sitting on a chair on a pleasant evening,
crying,ever so silent tears rolling down...
i want to tell you something to vanish that frown.

when i see you,
alone on a terrace in the rain,
crying hard to forget your pain,
i want to assure you but don't know what to say...

when you sit staring out into the night sky,
thinking what might have been-all so sad,
of the past days when u think and sigh-
i want to tell you its not so bad!

and there are so many other things that i want to tell you,
how its the darkest before the dawn of the glorious sun,
and that you'll get every joy before you die,
but i am afraid it'll be a great big lie.

i see you afraid to take the next step,
hesitating on the brink of a fall,
you sit back reminiscence when and where,
you dance in the pouring rain without care...

baby,i am sorry but i have to tell you,
the days when we sang together are now gone,
and though everything good that i wanna do or say,
i can only tell you to go on...

memories of the dash through a rainswept road,
the way you rain carefree in those wintry mornings,
they aren't going to come back,howsoever hard you may try-
i am sorry to tell you,but its fruitless to cry.

i can promise you no brighter future hope,
and i can barely look into that hollow eye,
but the rain today is so different from those memories,
so go inside and wash your tears dry...