Thursday, February 28, 2008

The 11th commandment

A few weeks back,me and my friends were travelling by the Delhi Metro...we were 3 guys and fortunately all of us had managed to get seats;the train was getting very crowded and I was smug in my seat.Hardcore Kolkatans that we are,it was quite a change,and a refreshing one for me, to see that there were no seats reserved for women.In kolkata,seats are reserved for "ladies" everywhere!!On the bus,on the metro,on trains.............
However,one of my friends took great offence at the fact that "a lady" was standing in front of us while we all sat.He got up to offer his seat...A man rushed over and sat down in a flash.He then forced our other friend to do the same.The same outcome,again!
Now the only seat left for the "lady" to take was mine...there was only a slight hitch-I refused to get up.My pal tried to convince me on grounds of morality and "the right thing to do" with insightful arguments like "Dhrubo,a lady is standing..how can you sit?"...He tried every trick in the book to compel me to get up,but me,prude that I am,never did...the lady got off the train at the next station.

I had almost forgotten about the incident till "Quaint Murmur" aroused my memory...and I must say that though I love my city,I despise situations where people get advantage because of the way they are born.It was about 7 years ago that I realized that chauvinism works both ways and while my psycho-therapist(yes,I am a nut-case!)doesn't think so,the "chauvinist pigs" come in both genders!
All my life I have been puzzled by the visible lack of uniforming in matters of public sphere when it comes to men and women.Men are always expected to give up stuff so that the women can get an easy ride.And what surprises me is the fact that so many women take the advantage,nay,grab it with both hands and behave as if it was their god gifted right.No one ever questions why,on a bus,men have a greater duty to remain standing while women are predisposed to relax.
Maybe I am exuding the perception of being a misogynist and some sort of an "anti-feminist" but that is not the case...I stand up for issues where I think people are getting discriminated against but what about situations where people talk about discrimination to actually discriminate against others?
I am not a feminist.I don't think men should take over the world either.I just am of the opinion that this social compulsion of men having to be "chivalrous" towards women is redundant.Let the era of men offering small bits of favour to women be banished now.Let the world where a condescending attitude of "they need it,helpless souls" ,hid under a garb of nobility,is not tolerated any longer.
I do not dream of a perfect world...I just wish that we live in a world where there was a little less dichotomy...where people are allowed opportunities when they deserve it.

12 comments:

Titash said...

You're not at all a gentleman, Dhrubo. I mean sitting while a lady stands! But that makes two of us, i wouldn't let go my seat either.

Dhrubo said...

I am glad that you are not a gentleman,Titash.Hmm...that is a weird sentence~!

Quaint Murmur said...

Well, as much as I hate to pour water over all the back-slapping, I have a few things to say.

Dhrubo, you know my thoughts on this matter. But in response to what you say here...

You have every right not to give your seat up. It's your prerogative, and nothing will change that. But I don't think I agree with your reasoning. You seemed to have been adamant only because it was a woman who was standing. And while I understand your anger at the world for discriminating between the sexes when it comes to chivalry, you must understand that it is not only about a man-woman thing. If it was an old person, or a pregnant woman or just a stranger looking tired-man or woman, would you have reacted the same way?

You say that "Men are always expected to give up stuff so that the women can get an easy ride.."

Look at this country today and you will still see a million examples of women who are being expected to compromise for the sake of their men. Why else do we kill baby girls before they are born? Because men still think they rule the roost. The sad thing is, they do.

I know I'm mixing up issues, but I'm trying to give you an insight into the reason we see 'ladies seats' all over. It's an effort to recognise that women too have a place in the daily world. I don't agree with the concept, but I see why people can relate with it. On another level, it is far, far better to sit in a ladies seat than get felt up [something that is second nature to many men]...

What I'm saying [in this twisted diatribe] is that the issue is much more complex than just a man-woman chivalry thing. If we stop looking at each other with tags of 'man' and 'woman', then we'll start treating each other as human beings.

It makes a difference. Next time you see a tired man, woman, anyone standing, and if you feel upto it, just try giving up your seat. It's a suggestion, but I'm telling you, somehow or the other, if you can look beyond greedy, thankless and thick-skinned people, and into yourself, it will make you feel good- about yourself. It's a really nice feeling- that you can find it in yourself to put yourself out for a stranger. It's one of the simple things that makes the world go around.

I've offered my seat plenty of times- to old men, women, pregnant women, even randomers. Some think, like you say, that it is their right-men and women alike. But some will smile, say thank you- and in that moment you connect with someone you don't even know. And it just feels good. I rest my case!

Dhrubo said...

Thank you for the comments.It wasn't back-slapping,by the way!

I get up when I see someone in real need of a seat...And yes..I wouldn't have reacted the same way had it been an old person.But then,the prerogative for doing the right thing should rest not only on me...should it?I mean,anyone should offer their seat to the elderly or the challenged...man or woman!

I understand what you are trying to say...I have offered seats to many people,sometimes when they themselves least expected it;and I have done it out of empathy,not a social sense of morality.The smile,or the "thank you' does warm your heart and I know that because it is truly gratifying to help out somebosy.
What I detest though is when I have to get up as an obligation...But then again,I am mixing up issues.The post wasn't about seats for women,it was about the desire for a world where we could all stand as equals...and when one of us offered assistance to another soul, it emanated from an urge within,not as a consequence of a social compulsion.

Scribbles! said...

hey, hmm..kinda agree with u. 11th commandment...haha.

Dhrubo said...

Thank you....I am glad that you agree with me!!!

Dhrubo said...

Actually I am more relieved than glad!

Quaint Murmur said...

Dhrubo,

I'm sorry if you took offence to what I said. I realise I may I have come off mixing too many unrelated issues and a tad preachy! Sorry.

But I like what you said about empathy instead of morality. It makes a LOT of good sense.

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